We recently moved our 18-year-old son from India to college in Indiana—more than 8,000 miles away from us. And while he is navigating a completely new environment, as parents, we’re fumbling through unknown terrain too.
It feels like a throwback to eighteen years ago when the parenting gig was brand new to us. Back then, we didn’t know how many bottles or diapers would be enough. Now, we don’t know how many texts or calls would be too many.
For the first time, we’re parenting our child from across the world. No longer can I choose to be a helicopter mom, a tiger mom, a free-range mom, or any of those other epithets that have been bouncing around for the last few decades. I just get to be a mom, learning to disciple my kid from a distance.
While I’m a complete newbie to long-distance parenting, I’ve been learning this season to lean into my limitations.
Through this geographical separation, God has been teaching me—yet again—that I’m not in control. It’s a lesson He has patiently impressed on my heart over the years. But as our kids get older, God seems to have taken a special neon highlighter out just for me.
I can’t be there for my son. I can’t fix things for him. I can’t control outcomes for him.
And as hard as that is, it can also be a good thing where God is shaping me through this experience.
While I’m fast asleep in bed at night, my son is in a different time zone, figuring out classes, meals, laundry, medications, social connections, and extracurriculars on his own.
But instead of fighting that sense of “helplessness,” like the apostle Paul, I can say, in my weakness, God’s strength is made perfect (2 Corinthians 12:9-10). But now I confess God’s strength not just over my life, but over my son’s as well.
That overused slogan, “Let go and let God,” has become less of a cliché and more of a reality in my life. Our son, like everyone else, will fumble, fall, and fail. But letting go means that when he does, I won’t hyperventilate and try to be a pseudo-saviour. Instead, discipling him from a distance involves the very hard thing of seeing my child scrape his knee—and not rushing to put a Band-Aid on it. It means to give him the space to make mistakes. It means I watch him become a man who doesn’t depend on his parents, or even himself, but on Jesus. While we will always have his back, our prayer is that our son will turn to God as his first Love, his first Refuge, his first Defence, his first Help.
Do I think his dad and I have done enough to set him up for real life?
Maybe.
I cannot categorise myself as a self-assured mama who looks back at her parenting journey and says, “Yup, nailed it.”
But here’s what I can say a resounding yes to:
Even if I haven’t checked off all the boxes as a parent, God’s grace is sufficient.
Discipling our kids from a distance is undoubtedly hard. When things aren’t going according to plan, I want to plow through the obstacles so he can go places. As a parent, my instinct is to call or text my son incessantly, to check his location on the “Find My…” app, to quiz him about whether he is warm enough, has eaten enough, and slept enough. Yet while I hope our son will always know he belongs in our family, I’m reminded that, as parents, we don’t “own” him. I’m called to confess before God that my children belong to Him.
I’m learning to let go because God has got it covered. I'm learning to rest in the assurance that His grace is sufficient and not rush to the rescue.
I’m learning to lean into my limitations.
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Susan, I have been a long distance mum for more than 12 years. I can assure you that God has and still gives grace for everyday. For our sons living in different continents as they navigated studies and now work and family. 2 Cor 9:8 is something we all live out. Just enough for today, for what we have to do- and that is perfectly enough.
Thank you so much, Shoba! Really appreciate the encouragement from another mom who has been there. His grace is indeed enough for today. Blessings, Susan
Amen Shoba!