Back in school, I once read that “any friendship that exceeds the seven-year mark is most likely to last a lifetime.” Having some really close friendships at the time, I wholeheartedly believed it, imagining how wonderful it would be to grow old with them. Little did I know about seasons, hardships, distance, and above all, what it means to grow as a person.
The very first learning came through hardship. When I lost my mother, many of them failed to show up and provide the comfort I so deeply longed for. As I retreated from social gatherings, trying to make sense of the world I was now living in, some even suggested I wasn’t making enough effort. This led to a period of isolation, where I found myself processing grief alongside deep hurt.
Years later, as I slowly revisited this chapter of my life, I realised that none of my friends had actually experienced grief in a way that allowed them to understand what I was going through. As the expectations I had placed on people began to crumble, I found myself searching for a source of comfort that would not fail me. Today, I know that only God is my steadfast provider.
The second learning came through distance. And distance here doesn’t necessarily mean geographical, but also mental, when you simply step out of certain environments. I experienced it when I switched jobs, travelled more often, and also when some friends got married. The conversations that once filled every evening slowly became monthly check-ins. The inside jokes remained, but they belonged to another season of life. With a heavy heart, I keep questioning what I did wrong or whether I was ever a good friend.
While I continue to miss a part of myself in these friendships, the distance has challenged me to invest in relationships that matter in the long run and to stand by the people who direct me to God. Even now, as I dissect these memories, God helps me to see this chapter of my life with more kindness. There is greater comfort in reaching out to old friends, since the bitterness has been healed by His love.
Growth
The third learning came from growth. The desire to grow takes you to new places, new people, and new situations. Sometimes growth changes the questions you ask, the values you hold, and the life you pursue. Not every friendship is willing or able to grow alongside you. This eventually leads to distance between friendships, appending a certain fall in expectation that was set by one person and never met by another. You may find yourself as either the recipient or the cause of hurt that is often ignored rather than addressed. This chapter of my life has taught me more about God’s forgiveness and unending love, not just for others but for myself as well.
Looking back, I realise God was never simply teaching me about friendship. He was teaching me how to love without demanding perfection, how to forgive without keeping score, and how to anchor my identity in Him rather than in people's presence.
While most friendships today thrive on exchanged reels and occasional catch-ups (which carry their own joy!), I am grateful to have been blessed with friends who continually point me back to Christ. Relationships where we celebrate His faithfulness, carry one another's burdens, and encourage each other toward holiness.
I have stopped longing to be deeply known by everyone. Instead, I thank God for the few who know me well, love me faithfully, and help me love Him more.
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