When I saw this month’s IndiAanya theme of friendships, various thoughts flashed through my mind. It is a theme that is very close to my heart and has made our time in Delhi enjoyable. So I thought I might write about what gospel friendship is, some steps to make and keep friends, or why it is important to have spiritual friends.
While all these are brilliant topics to write about and many wise writers have already written about these, I thought I would write about my story of finding and keeping a gospel friend.
My husband walked into a youth camp (no, this is not the start of a joke, or maybe it is…) with a pink camera. This was fifteen years ago, and it was the age of the digital camera. I could not make it to that camp since I had just given birth. This was our first youth camp in Delhi, so my big, strong, six-foot husband went armed with a small pink camera to bring back memories to share with me. In the process, he was the butt of all jokes, but he also made some amazing friends that year at the camp.
He called me after the camp and said, “I met this couple, very sweet people. Similar age and life stage as us…” Well, that sounded promising, and I do not remember the rest of the conversation, but I do remember coming to Delhi and being very eager to meet this "sweet couple."
We clicked. My friend would come in her tiny Maruti car, with her daughter strapped into a car seat, and take my kids and me around Delhi. We would go to mom's bible study groups, the park, or the mall. And so our friendship began and started to thrive and flourish. I remember praying, “God, I enjoy this friendship so much. Will you protect it for me?”
Our families grew in number, and so did our love for each other. Our husbands were friends, and the kids got along pretty well. They loved playing and having sleepovers together. I felt like the common thread that kept our friendship was God’s never-ending, unstoppable, undying love and compassion for us.
Now that we enjoyed this depth of friendship, we wanted to share it with others, too. Both of us were passionate about young moms. We would open our homes and cars and give women rides. We had a small bible study with them, where they could bring their kids and hang out. We would host them for breakfast or tea.
It was a low-key, low-prep environment, with no judgment. Women just showed up, and we loved hosting them. But my friend and I not only loved doing ministry together, but we also loved hanging out. Our hangouts didn't need an agenda. Sometimes we met for coffee, tea, a meal, or we went to get our hair done or nails painted. Sometimes we watched a movie together and laughed our hearts out or cried buckets (she mostly cried, I mostly cackled).
But there was something sweet about this friendship that refreshed my soul and was life-giving. There were no expectations, no second-guessing each other or reading between the lines—just sweet friendship.
Not only was this a sweet friendship for me, but for our family as a whole. We went on to dream about a church plant, and our friends came alongside and dreamt big with us. More friends joined the core team, and this sweet couple was an integral part of our church-planting team. God accomplished more than we could ask, think, or imagine through this friendship.
It was halfway through our friendship that I stumbled on the term "gospel friendship." Why was this a "good news" (gospel) friendship for me? My friend pointed me to Jesus, and I was able to do the same for her when she needed it.
We both realised that we were not each other’s saviours. We both learnt the hard way that we cannot idolise the friendship above Jesus, and so there were many moments of conviction and confession. God, in his mercy, allowed us to confess and give him priority above this good and beautiful friendship. And that sometimes meant I had to say no to her or vice versa, and that was a good thing for our souls, because we were learning to prioritise Jesus in this.
Gospel renewal happens when we apply the gospel through honest conversations in the context of prayer. My friend and I were able to apply the gospel and steadily point each other to Jesus by being vulnerable and praying for each other. And that has grown our friendship beyond measure.
Our friendship went through hard and testing times. When we idolised our relationship above our relationship with God, that became a problem. When we confessed and gave God the priority in our lives, then the friendship healed and felt comfortable, like a glove that fit well.
From being young moms talking about teething troubles, we have gone on to discuss our children getting ready to leave the nest. From once being stay-at-home moms, we went back into the workforce in our 40s, and we talk about the joys and sorrows of that. She has come with me to the hospital whenever I have asked her to. She helped me start my fitness journey and my love for long-distance running. She has listened patiently and carried my burdens to Jesus. I have gladly gone to the INA market whenever she needed raja mircha. Or given her baking and cooking tips, but equally gladly wrestled in prayer for her when she needed it. We have gladly taken care of each other’s kids.
And so it has been fifteen years and counting, and we continue to grow in this friendship. We have aged gracefully, and as the woes of grey hair, chin hair, and perimenopause continue, I hope that we will walk with each other or maybe later wobble along with a walking stick in this gospel friendship. A friendship that is constantly renewed by Jesus day by day.
Therefore, there is no fear in saying goodbye in this friendship. For one day, when I meet Jesus face to face, I am confident that I will meet my friend too, and together we will enjoy sweet fellowship with Jesus forever.
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spelling of 'friend' in one of the place.
Loved it
Loved this article…..as I read it I thanked the Lord for my friends- Jasmine, Mona and Sheila.