I kiss their foreheads, inhaling their sweet scent. These precious little girls—my daughters—bring me more joy than I thought possible.
God has done this for me. He has fulfilled the deepest longing of my heart.
And yet, even though I have everything I had prayed for—a loving home, a kind husband, healthy children—there are days I'm not joyful at all—days when sadness creeps in like fog, dimming the contentment in my heart and clouding my vision.
I remember Psalm 113:9, which says, "He settles the childless woman in her home as a happy mother of children," and I find myself whispering to God, "Lord, why am I not always that happy mother?"
Maybe you've felt this too. Maybe your dream came true—marriage, children, ministry, career—and yet you still have days when joy feels just out of reach. You wonder, What's wrong with me? You know God has been good, but your heart feels dull, heavy, or sometimes even resentful.
When I grapple with such thoughts, I often return to a definition by pastor and theologian John Piper: "Joy is a good feeling in the soul, produced by the Holy Spirit, as He causes us to see the beauty of Christ in the Word and in the world."
Isn't that beautiful? Joy isn't something we force or fake. It's not just smiles and laughter. Joy is a supernatural work—an outpouring of the Holy Spirit that we receive when we look at Jesus and see how beautiful, faithful, and good He truly is, and remember what He has done for us on the cross.
Joy is a feeling in the soul. It's not abstract—it's something we actually experience. In trials, it may feel calm and surrendered. In loss, it may feel peaceful. In abundance, it may feel light and overflowing. And that's freeing—because if joy comes from the Holy Spirit, it's available even when our situation doesn't change. Even when we're tired. Even when we've lost something. And even when we have everything we ever wanted, yet feel strangely empty. Joy is always rooted in Christ, not circumstances.
We sometimes get fooled into thinking that once our prayers are answered, our joy will finally be secure. But I've learned that joy doesn't come from fulfilled dreams or even answered prayers—it comes from the presence of Christ within us. A husband and children can't produce joy in a woman's soul; they only highlight her need for it. Circumstances, no matter how lovely, cannot sustain the human heart. Only God can.
That's why the woman in Psalm 113 isn't joyful because she has children—she's joyful because she knows who gave them to her. Her joy is anchored not in what she has but in who He is. When I look to my family, my work, or even my ministry for joy, I always come up short. But when I turn to the Holy Spirit and ask Him to show me Jesus—to help me see His fingerprints in my daily life—I begin to see joy everywhere.
Even when we understand what joy truly is, it can still feel elusive. Sometimes we wake up determined to be joyful, only to find ourselves drained, frustrated, and self-critical by noon.
Joy has enemies—thieves that slip in quietly and rob us when we're not looking. Three of the most common ones in my own life have been comparison, mom-guilt, and lack of gratitude.
1. Comparison
I thought I left comparison behind in high school—but motherhood brought it roaring back, and homeschooling multiplied it! We compare our birth stories, our children's milestones, our bodies, our schedules, and even our walk with God. Whose kids were more creative? Whose home looked more peaceful? Who serves in multiple ministries at church?
In the past, I've driven myself crazy feeling like I was failing in every category—too strict, too lenient, too tired, too distracted. Doing too much or not doing enough.
Comparison always whispers the same lie: "She's better, and you're failing." But the gospel tells a different story — that in Christ, we are fully loved, fully known, and fully accepted. When we fix our eyes on Jesus, we begin to see ourselves and others through His lens of grace.
Heather Holleman once wrote, "Knowing and enjoying Jesus is the point of the Christian life, and when I lose this truth, I will continually compare my life to others."
The cure for comparison (and joylessness) isn't more confidence in ourselves — it's more communion with Christ.
2. Mom-Guilt (and the Shame Beneath It)
Right on the heels of comparison comes her partner in crime: mom guilt. Who among us hasn't felt that sinking weight of "I'm not enough"? Maybe you forgot to pack your son’s lunch or lost your patience after a long day. Maybe your kids' struggles feel like your fault.
Mom-guilt spirals fast—from "I made a mistake" to "I am a mistake." But guilt like that doesn't come from the Holy Spirit; it comes from self-condemnation and unbelief.
Romans 8:1 declares, "There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus." When we remember that, we can trade guilt for grace.
The solution to mom-guilt is twofold:
Ultimately, mom guilt steals our joy by shifting our focus from God's sufficiency to our shortcomings. But when we remember that He chose us—on purpose—for our children, and that His grace fills every gap, guilt loses its grip, and joy begins to return.
3. Lack of Gratitude
Surprisingly, most of my joylessness in motherhood hasn't come from crisis, but from this thief of joy–lack of gratitude. Discontentment creeps into beautiful moments—on family trips, in happy homes, surrounded by laughter—I can find myself focusing on what I lack: more rest, more help, more time.
In no time, I can turn a perfectly good day into a story of self-pity. The cure, I've understood, isn't gritting my teeth to "feel thankful," but instead giving all my frustrations over to God. When I surrender my grumbling heart to Him, He gently turns it toward gratitude. Sometimes the change happens in an instant; other times it's a slow, marathon-like process. But without fail, God gently pulls me out of my self-centered gloom and helps me joyfully embrace the people, work, and life He's graciously given me.
Gratitude reorients my soul. It reminds me that every good gift is from above and that I am deeply cared for.
But what about deeper suffering? What about the times when life is far more difficult than a simple struggle with comparison, guilt, or lack of gratitude? Can we still find joy in the midst of sorrow?
The short answer is yes.
When Jesus endured the cross, Hebrews 12:2 says He did it "for the joy that was set before Him." That joy—the joy of redeeming us, of glorifying His Father—was the reason He endured the ordeal of the cross with triumph.
And like Him, when we face hardship, we can fix our eyes on Jesus and the joy set before us: the hope of His presence and the promise of His redemption. When our heavenly Father asks us to drink a bitter cup, we cling to what we know to be true of Him—that He will never allow us to suffer a moment longer or deeper than is needed for His good purposes. Every trial has been measured and held in His hands, and He never asks us to walk through pain alone. And so, even in the midst of hardship, we can find reasons to give thanks.
Joy doesn't always look like laughter. Sometimes it looks like endurance. Sometimes it looks like tears mingled with trust. But it is joy nonetheless — the surpassing peace of knowing that even in pain, God is good and near.
Do you know what brings joy to God's heart?
In Luke 15, Jesus tells three parables—of a lost sheep, a lost coin, and a lost son. Each story ends the same way: with rejoicing. The shepherd calls his friends to celebrate. The woman throws a party over her found coin. The father rushes to greet his returning son and wraps him in a warm embrace.
Jesus tells us this to show what gives God joy: His children coming home.
And that means when you—tired, discouraged, joyless—turn your heart back to Him, heaven rejoices.
Even when your joy runs dry, God's joy over you doesn't. "The LORD your God is in your midst, a mighty one who will save; He will rejoice over you with gladness; He will quiet you by His love; He will exult over you with loud singing." — Zephaniah 3:17
May we remember this when joy feels out of reach: God delights in us. He rejoices over us. And He is faithful to restore our joy, one surrendered moment at a time.
Joy is not found in perfection, but in presence — His presence.
"You make known to me the path of life; in your presence there is fullness of joy; at your right hand are pleasures forevermore." — Psalm 16:11
Photo by Adrien King on Unsplash
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