There’s a verse I’ve always struggled with:
'Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus'. (1 Thessalonians 5:16–18)
It sounds beautiful on paper, almost poetic, but living it out in real life? That’s another story.
I’ve wanted to live a life that honours God. I’ve wanted to trust Him with everything. But surrendering to His will , especially when things don’t go the way I planned , has been one of the hardest things for me to actually do.
When I finished high school, I had my whole future mapped out. I had applied to study abroad, worked hard on my essays and exams, and prayed over every detail. When I got that acceptance letter and then found out I’d received a full-ride scholarship, I was over the moon. It felt like everything had fallen perfectly into place.
And then, just weeks before I was supposed to leave, I fell seriously sick. Everything came to a stop. I couldn’t go. I had to let it all go , the dream, the plans, the idea of what my life was supposed to look like.
I remember sitting there thinking, 'Lord, I don’t understand. You opened all these doors, and now You’ve shut them'. Accepting that was hard. Saying, 'Okay, God, You’re still in control', felt like forcing the words out through clenched teeth.
But life moved on. I stayed back, joined a college here in India, and over time, I began to see small glimpses of why things happened the way they did. I found community, purpose, and even success where I least expected it. Looking back now, I can genuinely say, God knew what He was doing.
But at the time, surrender didn’t feel holy. It just felt painful.
A few years later, I got married. Life seemed to move forward again. There was excitement, new beginnings, and the quiet joy of expecting our first baby. And then came another blow ; our first child was stillborn.
That kind of loss… nothing really prepares you for it. It was a shock, yes. It broke me in ways I can’t fully put into words. But even in that deep grief, I remember holding on , whispering to myself again and again, 'God, You’re still good. God, You’re still good'. It wasn’t easy. It wasn’t instant. But somehow, grace held me together.
Then, not long after, my marriage began to crumble. Eventually, it ended in divorce. Once again, I found myself in a season I never thought I would live through : facing life as a single, divorced woman, rebuilding from the ground up.
Each of these moments—losing dreams, losing people, losing parts of myself—became lessons in surrender. And not the gentle, effortless kind we read about in devotionals. This was the messy kind , where you wrestle with God, cry, question, and still, somehow, choose to stay close to Him.
Surrendering doesn’t mean I’ve always felt peaceful or calm. Some days, I’ve just chosen to keep walking, one small act of trust at a time. Other days, I’ve needed to remind myself that joy isn’t the same as happiness. Happiness depends on what’s happening around me; joy is what I choose in spite of it.
And that’s what I’ve learned through it all , that accepting God’s will doesn’t mean pretending everything’s fine. It means believing that even when things don’t make sense, He’s still good. That He sees the full picture when I can only see a corner.
So yes, surrendering is still hard for me. It’s something I have to practice every single day. But with every closed door, every loss, every unexpected turn, I’m learning this: God doesn’t waste anything. Not my pain, not my waiting, not even the parts of my story I would’ve written differently.
And maybe that’s what true surrender really is – not giving up, but letting go.
A Thought to Carry
What’s one part of your life you’ve been holding onto that you just can’t seem to hand over to God?
Maybe today is a good day to pause, take a deep breath, and whisper again:
'God, You’re still good'.
Photo by Jon Tyson on Unsplash
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Thank you for opening your heart and life to us Sabrina.
I am sure you are living out the verses beautifully where God has planted you.
Thank you @Shoba! You’re very kind. ❤️