Three tiny tots, who once threw tantrums and constantly begged to be carried, now see me stressing out and flippantly say, “Relax, Ma... We got this!” Their once tiny toes now wear size eight shoes and stand at the brink of adulthood and college, and lives of their own.
How did we even get here? I wonder. How did I manage to drag myself through each long, tiring day for years on end? And yet in the blink of an eye, here we are about to launch three freshly minted adults into the world!
As an only child raised predominantly by my mother, I hardly knew what having sons would entail. But God. He graciously gave me wisdom for every stage our sons went through, and just enough energy to keep up with them!
Now, as I enjoy a bit more of a laidback role in parenting, I realise what a blessing it is for mothers to enjoy a healthy relationship with their teen sons.
Understandably, boys might prefer music, sports, video games, the company of friends, and hanging out with their father. But the mother-son bond is so very different. It stretches and grows over time. Our role evolves from nourishing and caregiving to listening and mentoring. It expands to accommodate their changing interests and perhaps eventually their own family units.
Over the years, I’ve realised that if we want to have a healthy relationship with our teen sons, it helps to be intentional when they’re toddlers, tweens, and every age in between.
Here are a few simple ways we can be intentional in our motherhood journey and build a relationship with our sons - no matter their age.
When our sons were small and wanted to complain about a sibling, we would remind them that they had to say something nice about them first. This is great advice for parents as well. We don’t have to nitpick our kids and point out all their mistakes - they do enough of that on their own. Parenting is so much more enjoyable when we notice the good things our sons do and acknowledge/thank them for it.
Fun activities and conversations break the monotony of everyday life and help build intentional relationships. We can try to accommodate our kids' requests as much as reasonably possible and say ‘yes’—especially when it involves the family. The key is to leave enough room in our schedule for those times when our boys want to hang out with us.
So, make the silly jokes that get them rolling their eyes, have chai at the local tea stall, laugh over funny reels, get some ice cream, or go to the mall for a mid-week reset. When we genuinely enjoy spending time together, our sons end up wanting to do things with the rest of the family.
We do need to set boundaries, enforce rules, and mete out consequences for disobedience. However, it is important that we keep communication lines open during the process. Discipling our sons takes years, and it’s effective only when we are emotionally available and ready to address their questions. When our sons know that no topic is off limits, they’ll have the confidence to approach us anytime with any matter - big or small.
I’ve heard that when a child gets in trouble, they might either say, “I can’t tell my parents about this; they’ll never forgive me,” or “I need to tell my parents. I might get grounded, but they’ll help me get through this.” We want to raise children who believe the latter and know they can come to us anytime with the truth. They will have to bear the consequences of their actions, but they will always have us in their corner.
A few years ago, I realised that most of my prayers for my sons were on the fly and not intentional. So, I started noting down specific prayers I’m praying over them. Sometimes, I include their names in the verse to customise prayers for each of my sons. If you need a place to start, try Ephesians 3:16-19 or Colossians 1:9-12.
What’s amazing is that we’re not in this parenting journey alone. God guides us as we sow into our children’s lives, and He will bring about the harvest. But we just might get a front-row seat to watch our kids grow up and bear fruit for His kingdom in this generation.
Are you a boy mom? I’d love to hear your experience raising sons.
Photo by Rajesh Rajput on Unsplash
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I am a boy mom too. My sons are 31&29.
I love them to bits and we are the best of friends.
Give them time, treasure them, teach them Gods word and yes pray for them and with them.
I’m a boy mom too, to a 3 year old 🙂 Loved reading this! Thank you for all the advice and the suggested verses for prayer too. I’m excited to pray those over him ❤️
I am a boy mom. I have four biological sons and five adopted young men, and one daughter. I am thankful for the Grace of God and the advice of others so I can be a better Mom.