For as long as I can remember, I’ve cared too much about what people think of me. I wanted to be liked, to be seen as kind, competent, and put-together. Every compliment felt like a boost, every criticism like a gut punch. If people were happy with me, I was happy with myself. If they weren’t, I felt like I had failed.
Looking back, I can see how early this started. In school, I would give my classmates things—hair clips, earrings, chocolates—just to win their friendship. I thought if I were generous enough, kind enough, useful enough, they would like me. And if they liked me, I would feel like I mattered.
At the same time, I was constantly comparing myself to others, especially the ones who seemed effortlessly good at everything. I knew I wasn’t as intelligent, as talented, or as confident as they were, and no matter how hard I tried, I always felt like I was falling short. It didn’t matter if someone told me I was good at something—if I saw someone better, I believed I wasn’t enough.
I wouldn’t have called it idolatry at the time—I just thought I was being a good person who wanted to do her best. But the truth was, I was enslaved to approval.
At some point, I started noticing how exhausted I was. No matter how much affirmation I received, it was never enough. I would replay conversations in my head, wondering if I had said the wrong thing. I would overcommit to things I didn’t want to do just to keep people happy. Worst of all, I started losing sight of who I really was because I was constantly shaping myself into what I thought others wanted me to be.
It hit me one day: I wasn’t living for God—I was living for people. Their opinions dictated my self-worth, and without realising it, I had made their approval the thing I worshipped.
Jesus didn’t rescue me from this overnight. It’s been a journey, and honestly, it’s still ongoing. But here’s what I’ve been learning:
1. I don’t have to earn God’s love.
I’ve always known in my head that God loves me unconditionally, but deep down, I was still acting like I had to prove myself—to people and to Him. But the gospel isn’t about impressing God; it’s about receiving what Jesus has already done for me. That realization took a huge weight off my shoulders.
2. I can’t please everyone—and that’s okay.
No matter how hard I try, there will always be someone who doesn’t approve. And that’s fine. Jesus himself didn’t have everyone’s approval. Why should I expect to?
3. God’s opinion is the only one that truly matters.
When I focus on what He thinks of me—that I’m chosen, loved, and enough in Him—I don’t have to scramble for approval elsewhere.
Even now, I catch myself slipping back into old patterns. I still want people to like me. I still feel that little rush when I get praise and that sting when I don’t. And yes, I still compare myself to others sometimes. But when I recognise what’s happening, I remind myself:
Letting go of approval-seeking isn’t easy, but I’m finding so much freedom in trusting Jesus instead. And if you’ve ever struggled with this too, I just want to say—you’re not alone. But we don’t have to live this way. There’s a better way, a lighter way. And Jesus is leading us there, one step at a time.
Photo by Kelly Sikkema on Unsplash
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