At the early onset of the lockdown in March of 2020, my husband and I found out we were expecting our second child. Our joy was soon dampened when the uncertainty of the lockdown hit all nations. In a few months, we didn’t know what kind of a future we would face. My excitement about having another baby and my faith were challenged when a couple of friends asked, “What’s the point of having a child in a time like this?” The question was more than personal and helped me look at history to realise that the world has scarcely provided “the right time to have children.” On what hope do we have children? The economic progress of a nation, the lack of war in one’s current time, the beauty and serenity of a city, a thriving career, and great financial security? What aspect of stability in our lives do we depend on while deciding whether to have children?
World over, there has been a dip in the fertility rates of nations. Some are currently lesser than the replacement rate and several others are headed in that direction. The success of birth control, sexual health awareness, the rise of education of women, and their participation in the workforce have also been some determining factors in bringing down the number of births per woman worldwide. Family sizes have also decreased considerably with each successive generation in India.
In urban cities, there is also a rise in couples who choose not to have children. The trend words for them- DINKs (Dual Income No Kids), SINKs (Single Income No Kids), DINKWAD (Dual Income No Kids With A Dog), and the like are also buzzwords on social media describing major shifts in the family systems around us. As we navigate this evolving cultural landscape, it's important to consider whether having children is inherently part of God’s plan or a personal choice. It's also crucial to acknowledge that having children is not always a choice for everyone. Some couples face infertility, others experience the heartbreak of losing children, and many singles battle unfulfilled desires for marriage and parenthood.
However, it is important to remember that children are a gift. God remains at the center of our Christian journey, regardless of our parental status. How we respond to the circumstances in our lives and our choices reflect our relationship with Him and our trust in His sovereignty.
God’s Call to Procreate: Procreation is a Biblical mandate first given to Adam and Eve (Gen 1:28) to "Be fruitful and multiply; fill the earth and subdue it." This verse is often interpreted as God's command for couples to procreate, nurture families, and steward the earth. This makes parenting a divine duty and the family, a unit intentionally designed to reflect God’s glory.
The significance of children has been repeated throughout the Biblical narratives. As John Piper writes “ This is the whole drift of God’s word: children are a gift; children are a blessing. When they are withheld, it is a heartache...” The Bible holds several stories of men and women who cried out for children. These stories narrate the reflection of their faith in God and demonstrate one of the significant yearnings of human beings—the desire to have children.
It is difficult to understand why God withholds answering this yearning for some and why some have to wait long. Yet, He meets our needs in various ways. The Bible provides examples of individuals who parented without having their own children, demonstrating that God's plan can transcend biological parenthood. For instance, Mordecai raised Esther as his own daughter after she lost her parents (Esther 2:7). Similarly, Eli mentored and raised Samuel in the temple, even though Samuel was not his biological son (1 Samuel 1:24-28, 3:1-10). Paul refers to Timothy as his son in the faith (1 Timothy 1:2). God can use people to become parental figures to those without their own families (or in strained parental relationships) and to those in the church family. Whether through adoption, mentorship, or spiritual guidance, God can fulfill the call to nurture and guide the next generation. In doing so, we reflect our purpose, our trust in His sovereignty, and His ability to work through all circumstances.
The Dilemmas of a Choice-driven world: I vividly remember an advertisement by Vogue India on a woman's choice, released a decade ago. Today, the world is not only living that life but also propagating it from the rooftops. The career you choose, the person you marry, the decision to remain single, to have children or not, and even the expression of your gender—everything is promoted as a choice. The Biblical perspective runs in the opposite direction—a God who chose us even before we were born, who called us to His purpose, who has good works predestined for us, who sent His Son to die for us while we were still in sin. The Bible directs us to live a life that is in obedience to the Lord and to follow His Word.
The idea that we can choose the life we want to live is deceptive and not always life-giving. As John Piper writes, “There are always realities, in our hearts and in our minds and in our experiences, that shape our so-called “simply choosing.” Jesus said, “Out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks” (Matthew 12:34). How much more would it be true that out of what’s in the heart we choose not to have children? We are not “simply choosing”; we are choosing because of who we are, because of deep realities that have shaped our hearts, our preferences, our desires, our wants, our inclinations.” The Bible calls us to live life in such a way, that it isn’t us but Christ who lives in us. For Christians, the choice for marriage, singleness, career, and ministry should not be unfolded by the social trends of the world but by God’s calling on our lives. Thus, it is essential for us to open our hearts to God to expose biases, fears, or insecurities we might be operating out of and allow Him to redeem us and embrace what He has in store for us.
The Commodification of Life: The modern worldview has commodified children, weighing them as an optional product that incurs money, time, and energy. Some searches on Google will even give you an estimate of what it costs to raise a child till the age of 18! Several cultural shifts have also promoted the self over the other. Career advancement, personal and financial freedom, and material comfort are unabashedly promoted in the world around us. None of these are wrong in themselves, but prioritising these over God’s design can cause conflict in our understanding of the gospel.
It is difficult to view parenthood as a joy and privilege when the responsibilities of parenting are pitched against the wanderlust travels, solo holidays, and carefree lifestyle on Instagram posts. Parenthood in the Scripture is not illustrated as a list of cumbersome chores or baby duties but as a profound blessing and duty. The passages on having and raising children remind us of the joy and fulfillment of parenthood that surpasses the challenges of raising them. In His parenting model, God demonstrates devoted love and sacrifice for His children against this raging battle of selfishness that thrives in and around us. God uses children to show us the Father-heart of God, helping us reorder our world and alter our priorities.
The Purpose of Parenting: Between the finances, the planning, sacrifice, and war with our selfishness, destructive patterns, memories from our childhood, the balance of life and emotions (and a million other things)—the struggles in parenting are definitely real! I can affirm that parenting is challenging and demanding in every possible way. But as Christians, we do not hope for children based on our abilities or personality. Our willingness embrace parenthood enables us to place our faith in God to steward the gifts given to us and partner with Him for the life and future of our children.
God knows that no family has been perfect. Yes, by His amazing grace and hope, God has used all kinds of broken and dysfunctional families to fulfill His purpose. He also uses parents, prophets, priests, relatives, and mentors to shape young people for His purpose. When God calls us to parenting, the outcome is not always measured by the successful lives of our children. The success of our parenting is measured by our obedient response to His calling to parent our children. Thus, the hope for our children lies in our relationship with God, who uses parenting as a tool to shape us and our children into Christlikeness. Raising children is inherently a journey of faith, requiring complete dependence on God. This ongoing reliance nurtures a deeper relationship with Him, transforming the parenting journey into an unceasing act of worship and trust.
Photo by Gift Habeshaw on Unsplash
Subscribe to get the latest posts sent to your email.
Love your observation about choices and autonomy not ultimately being centered in humans but in God. As soon as we realize that God is God and we are not, life becomes far more ordered. Well written.
Thanks Tim 🙂