The Prayer of a Discontented Heart

Ruth Davidar Paul   |   July 28, 2022 

In this moment Lord, when life is rushing around me and the things clamouring for my attention are innumerable. When my thoughts are fragmented and distracted. When there is no quiet - without or within. In this moment, Lord, I choose to stop.

To pause.

To reflect.

Even as everything thunders past me, I want to still my thoughts, my heart.

Lord, why do I not long for You as before? Why is my heart not satisfied with You? 

And in the silence, I hear the words of this song - 

Your promise still stands, great is your faithfulness…You've never failed me yet. 

And I realise Lord, I've been holding that promise You gave me, so close to my heart that it's becoming brittle and starting to shatter. My arms have been gripping too hard. I've prayed and waited and haven't seen Your promise come to life and that had been eating away at me. 

I see that it is why I'm dissatisfied and discontented. 

It is why I'm struggling to believe and hope. 

It is why I feel so distant from You. 

I don't believe You anymore Lord. I don't trust that what You say will happen. I see the years of waiting and see only a wasteland of missed opportunities. 

Forgive me Lord. 

Help my unbelief.

I'm still in Your hands.

Lord, here I am, trying to work up some faith and belief and failing miserably. And there You are. Looking at me with love and wanting me just as I am. I can't even begin to understand how You can still love me and want me Lord, when I haven't been loyal to You.

I'll never be more loved than I am right now. Wasn't holding You up, so there's nothing I can do to let You down

I don't fathom Your love for me Lord. I can't comprehend it. All I can do is humbly set my eyes on You. Jesus, I set my heart on You.

O Lord, satisfy me with Your love. Because I'm so easily distracted by other things. 

I’ve been discontented because I've been trying to fill my heart with everything else but You. I’ve wanted the promise more than You. 

Forgive me Lord.

At the deepest part of me, I know that only You can satisfy me. And I want to love You again.

So, help me see and know and understand that Christ, You truly are more than enough for me.

You are Jireh, You are enough…And I will be content in every circumstance. You are Jireh, You are enough

 

**This prayer is a kind of conversation. Two songs helped me express and process my thoughts and those lyrics are interspersed in the prayer in italics. The links to the full songs are given below.**

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0B_lnQIITxU

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w_gCSJI6DKM

 

Photo by Milada Vigerova on Unsplash

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Ruth Davidar Paul is a freelance copy editor and content developer, who loves rummaging through used books stores and collecting old books. Apart from filling her home with overflowing bookcases, she enjoys deep conversations, jigsaw puzzles, painting, and daydreaming. She currently lives in Chennai with her husband Abhishek and their children Abigail, Jordan, and Amy.

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