My True Home

Ruth Davidar Paul   |   August 10, 2015 

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It's been almost two months since we moved cities. This would make it my seventh city in about 32 odd years. Living in so many different places has taught me to put down my roots quickly and settle into the business of living as soon as possible. I've learnt to make friends and build relationships that last even after I've moved on to a new city.

I thought I had the process down pat. Yet this latest move seems to have upset the balance in some way. It's taking me longer to settle in. I find myself missing my previous home to the extent that I'm dreaming about it from time to time. It's taking longer to find my bearings. Homesickness is a strange word for me since I always enjoyed moving to a new place. When I remembered friends I'd left behind, it was always with a fondness, but never a deep sense of loneliness. Every place I lived in became my hometown. I enjoyed my time there and when time came for me to move, I did so joyously, knowing that the next place would be my new hometown! So this strange sense of uncertainty, of being cast adrift, rudderless and alone, is quite a new experience for me.

As I attempt to come to terms with this, I've also realised that I have a strong tendency to depend on myself when life enters “normal” mode. There isn't a catastrophe occurring in my personal life nor is there a trial I am facing, so life is nice and normal, albeit slightly boring. And since everything is sailing along smoothly, I find myself thinking about God and His ways less and less.

Looking back to even a few months back, I can sense the drastic difference in my prayers. The intimacy is missing, since I've filled my time with long to-do lists and stuff that I want to organise. There have been times when I have consciously chosen not to seek His will or ask His guidance because I thought I could do things so much faster if I didn't waste time waiting to hear from God! Slowly I've found less time for God and more time for check-lists, since I have to get my home and life up and running in this new city after all. I'm amazed at how easy it is to delude myself!

Thankfully, God ensured that I didn't stay comfortable in my bubble for too long. Hence the homesickness. My true home will never be anywhere physically here on earth. My true home is with my Heavenly Father. If I remembered that truth more often I'd be less edgy and more joyful.

The more I look at God, the more clearly I see how utterly unworthy I am. When I need Him, I'm completely oblivious to everything else. But once things are going my way, I so easily slip back to a state of lukewarmness. Yet, God still comes looking for me – fickle and faithless though I am. His grace always leaves me speechless. God in His infinite mercy has been using this homesickness to nudge me back to Him. Only in a close walk with Him will I have peace, solace and joy as I begin living in this new city. Without Him, all is lost.

So I am learning to choose God, especially when I don't have a desperate request. To just go to Him to enjoy His company. To make time to sit still and hear Him speak, even in the midst of transitions. And all the while clinging to His word as a daily encouragement, 

“But thanks be to God who gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ.” - I Corinthians 15:57

 

Photo Credit: Unsplash

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Ruth Davidar Paul is a freelance copy editor and content developer, who loves rummaging through used books stores and collecting old books. Apart from filling her home with overflowing bookcases, she enjoys deep conversations, jigsaw puzzles, painting, and daydreaming. She currently lives in Chennai with her husband Abhishek and their children Abigail, Jordan, and Amy.

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One comment on “My True Home”

  1. Just reading this Ruth. Did not expect to be deeply touched by something as mundane as moving and settling in. Just as I was smiling in accord at "My true home is with my Heavenly Father" and letting myself into a false sense of security in my 'maturity' in being able to understand this, I was all too soon jolted from my happy reverie by "There isn’t a catastrophe occurring in my personal life...... the drastic difference in my prayers.". Wondering if there is a term for complacency in prayer.

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