It was a packed weekend... First, on Saturday morning I got to meet with a young woman who had exciting news to share. Then in the afternoon, I took my sleepy girls to a rooftop birthday party. And later with beads in her hair, sparkling pink paint on her nails and a mask she’d decorated with sparkly jewels, my five-year-old was all ready for the next destination of the day: a baby-shower!
After reaching there late, making a few, distracted conversations, spilling some baby food and fretting over my daughter’s wild behaviour, I was more than ready to head back home. Once back home, my baby girl went straight into the crib, the older one disappeared into the playroom and I slumped onto the couch. Caught my breath for a moment and got on with dinner prep and was done just as the man got home after a long day at work, yes, even on a Saturday, sighs.
Sunday was more of the same. Endless activity beginning with a home-cooked breakfast, church, then lunch with friends. Nothing out of the ordinary. The drive back home was mostly quiet, as the children slept off and my mind drifted through the events of the last couple of days. All the people we could meet and spend time with. A sense of contentment swept over me.
But, it didn't last very long, sadly…what baffles me is that, after a weekend as dizzy as that, I still catch myself thinking about the other people I want to meet but can’t right now, the other things I want to do but can’t right now and other places I want to be at but can't right now.
I look over at my man, fighting fatigue and drowsiness, as he drives quietly,
And that is when I remember the one thing that I have been constantly learning in the last few months: the urgency and the relevance of living in the "here and now."
I am reminded that there’s nothing better for me than investing my heart, time and efforts into the people God has placed around me-- here and now; enjoying the place I am in right now and taking care of the little things I can right now. Yes, my thoughts may still wander now and then but heart, time and efforts need to be focused on the here and now of my life.
Perhaps I don’t have the same energy or burden for the same issues or people I had when I was younger, but maybe now my heart beats for different issues and different people. Is it okay that my passions have changed with time, or maybe they've just grown as I've aged? Is it okay that I am not fighting for causes or chasing dreams I was once passionate about? Is it okay that, strangely, I want to simply embrace this chaotic life that I have right now?
I just want to stop grumbling about what’s annoying or "not right" around me and enjoy everything else that is beautiful in my life.
The husband who loves me and puts my needs before his own even though he often leaves home without breakfast because I oversleep (come on, he leaves really early at 7:00 a.m.! Okay, maybe it's not that early, since my daughter will be soon leaving for school at that hour!)
My beautiful, amazing children, though they drive me up the wall sometimes.
The wonderful friends that allow me to be a part of their lives and are definitely a refreshing part of mine.
The many young people and families we get to share our lives with and can just be ourselves with.
The independence of driving around in this city in an air-conditioned car.
The gift of good health and life.
The list can go on and on…
Being in the "here and now" doesn't mean I don't have a desire for something better for myself and my loved ones. There is still a desire for more growth and maturity, for more faith, more love, more patience and gentleness. That definitely is a constant desire to be more in tune with what God's heart is for His people and His kingdom.
And again, I keep reminding myself that yes, it’d be great to visit friends who are miles away and actually be able to share life with them. For now an occasional email, online chat or phone call will have to do.
Of course it’d be amazing to take a holiday with some friends at a remote resort but for now a laid back dinner at home or coffee at the neighbourhood Starbucks with them is a blessing.
And if I'm really dreaming, climbing to the base camp of Mt. Everest would be a dream come true! But for now, jumping crazily to my little girl’s favourite songs in the middle of our living room will be the height of exhilaration!
Do you struggle to live in the Here and Now, too?