Life After 'I Do'

Priya Gordon Clarance   |   August 27, 2014 

I Do

It’s been one hundred and eighty one days since I said "I do." But by day two I had realized what I had gotten myself into.

Like most girls, I grew up looking forward to "being in love."  You know the kind of love that makes your knees go weak? Cheeks blush?  Head go dizzy? Yes! THAT love. I wanted that.

Wouldn’t you?

Andrew and I had known each other for about seven years. He was perfect in every way - godly, talented, passionate, loving and patient. The list goes on and on. But nothing happened to my knees or my cheeks when I was with him. He was simply a friend.

I didn’t feel anything towards him till the end of the seventh year.  Why did I have to wait so long to realize that he was the one for me? Couldn’t God have just told me and spared me the embarrassment of getting to know others? I think God had bigger plans for me. He was preparing me for something big. Very big— Marriage.

I was still quite independent when I had decided to get married. I had a stable job, handled all my money, called all the shots. But when I got married I realized that I didn’t have that privilege in its fullness anymore. I had to consider someone else’s opinion apart from mine. I had to listen to someone else’s ideas even if they didn’t make sense to me at times!

An ideal evening for me is to get back from work kick off my shoes and just be. The last thing I want is a conversation—though coffee I wouldn’t mind.  How can one possibly expect a meaningful conversation, physical energy or an attentive ear after a long day at work?

I now come back to a house full of guitar strings, half empty coffee mugs, cameras, a sink full of dishes, a basket full of laundry, a fresh layer of dust and a husband who enjoys being at his talkative best only at home!  “How was your day? I’m having some guys over this evening. What’s for dinner? Can we watch The Lord of the Rings?”

There are days when I enjoy it. 

Then there are those when I just want to be.

Marriage isn’t what I had imagined it to be—not that that’s a bad thing. I’m beginning to understand that it is much more. It is indeed beautiful when understood and done the way God intended it to be. God is the designer of this institution, so obviously he will know how it’s done, right? That brought me to my knees. Not the weak ones, but the knees that went down in prayer.

My prayers became more specific after marriage. I’m nowhere close to the amazing wife I thought I would be. I have a long way to go. I need more patience, more respect, more wisdom and more kindness. I started praying for God's guidance for his help in these areas and for His strength. And I see the difference. We see the difference.

I don’t want to change my husband but instead I want to encourage and allow God to make him the man that He wants him to be. Prayer has brought us closer together and I am beginning to understand love a little bit more.

Besides that we still have fun - the silly kind, the romantic kind, the amusing kind. We go on dates together. We’ve found that there is no harm in spending one evening together. No cooking, no cleaning, no friends, no family. Just us! Talking about the one thing that made us fall in love. What we miss the most about the other when we are apart. How our love has grown. This is the time when my knees shake, my cheeks blush, my head goes a little dizzy with laughter and it helps me live out those childhood dreams of "love."

Now I may not have mastered this whole "love" thing but I can truly say that God has been teaching me and helping me to understand its real meaning. The way Christ would want me to love my husband in those tiring days, those difficult decisions and those days when things don’t make sense. How would Christ want me to respond? How can I as a wife encourage, understand and get to know the husband God has given me? How can I allow God to accomplish what he wants to do through my life, in my life and through our marriage?

All of this might sound a bit unnecessary to some, but it is working for me. Looking back at these last few months I can honestly say that I have fallen more in love with Andrew than the day I said "I do."

Has marriage been different than you expected before you were married?

 

Photo Credit: Akhil Singh

 

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Priya Gordon Clarance

Priya Gordon Clarance has worked in the field of education for the last 14 years as a teacher and trainer, specialising in speech and drama. She is passionate about creating positive and safe environments that shape learning in a child's life. She lives in Delhi with her husband Andrew and their two daughters.

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30 comments on “Life After 'I Do'”

  1. 'How our love has grown. This is the time when my knees shake, my cheeks blush, my head goes a little dizzy with laughter and it helps me live out those childhood dreams of “love.”'
    Beautifully written, Priya!

    1. Wow Priya.....you are so talented. You right so well.....you actually penned down everything that I feel and go through in my life.' Love ' is when your husband comes back home and wants to spend time with you, love is when he looks at you in every situation. Ammit & I have been together for almost 20 years, growing up together, learning everyday.......and he still is the most important person in my life. Our love is growing everyday.....it's a beautiful feeling.
      You are a wonderful person and I pray for a blessed life for you. God bless you!

  2. Well written indeed and i hope that the husbands also read it for a Godly perspective 🙂 good job Priya.

  3. Beautiful my Pri! All I can say is I relate, I relate and oh boy, do I relate! 🙂 Thank you for writing down what's on almost every christian wife's heart 🙂

  4. "I don’t want to change my husband but instead I want to encourage and allow God to make him the man that He wants him to be. "
    Very well written Priya. This sentence speaks of your maturity on the subject of marriage in such a short time 🙂 Most of the problems between couples crop up when we try to change our spouses instead of allowing God to do His will. Am inspired!

  5. Hi di.. thank you so much for writing this... loved every bit of it. So true.. indeed it cleared so many doubts of mine!!

  6. Hi Priya, you are very good at expressing yourself with words, very beautifully written and expressed.... Reading this has made me eager.. I'm waiting for my spcl one..

  7. Gosh I love it love it love it! Especially the part of guitar strings and half empty coffee cups! Marriage is a calling higher than what we imagine and I love how you've expressed it! Love it am totally following your blog

    1. Thank you so much Sangeeta! This blog has some amazing writers. DO follow it. Ive been blessed and encouraged by all these women 🙂

  8. Wow!! Priya , this is a lovely piece of article .
    Well for me I am still waiting for that love to happen in my life as per God's will.
    Keep up your good work . God bless you in everything and in every way . Love !

    1. Thank you so much dear Juhi. 🙂 All I can say is keep pursuing Jesus and his character in everything you do and you will not be let down. Whether single , married or whatever 🙂 Thanks for your encouragement.

  9. Wow! That's precisely how it happens Priya. I totally agree with your view of prayer bringing the husband and the wife close... Closer... Closest.
    Am close to completing 5 years with Ashish and my love for him is still growing.

    1. Wow 5 years? I must come and take some tips from you 🙂 I have a long way to go. But loving everything about it 🙂 Thank you for your encouragement.

  10. A great article indeed Priya.. I am taking the print out of this and will make all soon-to-be-married ladies in my family read it 🙂 God be with both of you...

  11. Hey Priya! My hubby was randomly talking about your article today n how he'd loved it! I searched for it n I loved it too!! Great stuff Priya! Cannot believe how gifted n mature you are! God bless you n your marriage.

  12. That was such a good, relate-able read. 🙂 Samuel and I have been married for a year and 21 days to be precise. What hit me the most was - "“I don’t want to change my husband but instead I want to encourage and allow God to make him the man that He wants him to be. ” Amen sister! Although, I must confess I am guilty of doing it but I think its not late yet to make corrections. Thank you for the beautiful reminder of being on your knees in prayer.
    Thank you for being honest and for speaking your heart out, Priya.

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