It’s been one hundred and eighty one days since I said "I do." But by day two I had realized what I had gotten myself into.
Like most girls, I grew up looking forward to "being in love." You know the kind of love that makes your knees go weak? Cheeks blush? Head go dizzy? Yes! THAT love. I wanted that.
Andrew and I had known each other for about seven years. He was perfect in every way - godly, talented, passionate, loving and patient. The list goes on and on. But nothing happened to my knees or my cheeks when I was with him. He was simply a friend.
I didn’t feel anything towards him till the end of the seventh year. Why did I have to wait so long to realize that he was the one for me? Couldn’t God have just told me and spared me the embarrassment of getting to know others? I think God had bigger plans for me. He was preparing me for something big. Very big— Marriage.
I was still quite independent when I had decided to get married. I had a stable job, handled all my money, called all the shots. But when I got married I realized that I didn’t have that privilege in its fullness anymore. I had to consider someone else’s opinion apart from mine. I had to listen to someone else’s ideas even if they didn’t make sense to me at times!
An ideal evening for me is to get back from work kick off my shoes and just be. The last thing I want is a conversation—though coffee I wouldn’t mind. How can one possibly expect a meaningful conversation, physical energy or an attentive ear after a long day at work?
I now come back to a house full of guitar strings, half empty coffee mugs, cameras, a sink full of dishes, a basket full of laundry, a fresh layer of dust and a husband who enjoys being at his talkative best only at home! “How was your day? I’m having some guys over this evening. What’s for dinner? Can we watch The Lord of the Rings?”
There are days when I enjoy it.
Then there are those when I just want to be.
Marriage isn’t what I had imagined it to be—not that that’s a bad thing. I’m beginning to understand that it is much more. It is indeed beautiful when understood and done the way God intended it to be. God is the designer of this institution, so obviously he will know how it’s done, right? That brought me to my knees. Not the weak ones, but the knees that went down in prayer.
My prayers became more specific after marriage. I’m nowhere close to the amazing wife I thought I would be. I have a long way to go. I need more patience, more respect, more wisdom and more kindness. I started praying for God's guidance for his help in these areas and for His strength. And I see the difference. We see the difference.
I don’t want to change my husband but instead I want to encourage and allow God to make him the man that He wants him to be. Prayer has brought us closer together and I am beginning to understand love a little bit more.
Besides that we still have fun - the silly kind, the romantic kind, the amusing kind. We go on dates together. We’ve found that there is no harm in spending one evening together. No cooking, no cleaning, no friends, no family. Just us! Talking about the one thing that made us fall in love. What we miss the most about the other when we are apart. How our love has grown. This is the time when my knees shake, my cheeks blush, my head goes a little dizzy with laughter and it helps me live out those childhood dreams of "love."
Now I may not have mastered this whole "love" thing but I can truly say that God has been teaching me and helping me to understand its real meaning. The way Christ would want me to love my husband in those tiring days, those difficult decisions and those days when things don’t make sense. How would Christ want me to respond? How can I as a wife encourage, understand and get to know the husband God has given me? How can I allow God to accomplish what he wants to do through my life, in my life and through our marriage?
All of this might sound a bit unnecessary to some, but it is working for me. Looking back at these last few months I can honestly say that I have fallen more in love with Andrew than the day I said "I do."
Has marriage been different than you expected before you were married?
Photo Credit: Akhil Singh